I was thinking a bit more on that mother's instinct telling her not to send the children off to school to be raised by somebody else... and pondering on why it was bothering me so much. When something makes you passionate, there is usually a deeper reason. I have only minimally considered up to now the implications of my lifestyle and what I believe about parenting on my own personal psyche... but now thinking about it in this context, it only makes sense that there is going to be some confusion, pain, remorse, etc. from the child within each of us that was not raised according to the standards we have personally been converted to with our own families, and currently practice (or wish we could practice).
When I was growing up I felt very detached from my family. I felt neglected and unnurtured. Of course this was once I was old enough to identify those feelings, so I am not not sure when it started or how it was caused. So what does that have to do with public education? I, for one, loved school. I thrived in school academically and did reasonably well socially. I enjoyed school activities so much that I did not enjoy my family at all, and became withdrawn at home. I had no family relationships to speak of - with 7 siblings! The fact that I enjoyed school may have offset this dichotomy even further, as my social success caused some jealousy and/or resentment in my two older siblings.
One reason I wanted to homeschool was for my siblings to be peers, not just roommates. They ought to grow up together, learn together, be nurtured together, experience life together (Does that not make common sense? I feel silly even saying that).
I have more exploring to do with myself, but I am wondering how it affected me - how it affects all children - to be sent away from home and given the implicit/subtle message that they are unwelcome, unwanted at home; that they must leave, they must bond to outsiders; they must become somebody ELSE. I have never considered this with myself and have never spoken about this with my mother. I am now totally intrigued and would love to know what feelings or perhaps hesitations she had in sending us to school. But I am afraid to bring it up... knowing the answer is probably a shrugged "I don't know, it's what everyone else was doing... I had housework to do...toddlers to take care of.... "
We *think* we have more important things to do but it leaves me wondering why do we have children in the first place, if we don't have intent to raise them? If we are too busy to care for and nurture them, all we can do is feed and clothe them physically but entirely forget about their emotional needs-- security, belonging, to be wanted, to be involved full-time with a close-knit family.
Am I a total heretic here? I have no doubt I am ruffling some feathers (although there is a reason I am posting this with my less mainstream audience and not with my normal social circle) although I don't mean to make any blatant statements, just want to explore some ideas here.
2 comments:
It's a rather deep subject isn't it! I know you probably aren't interested in Catholic materials but I found the book Public Education by Fr. Muller to be HIGHLY interesting and explanitory! It's free online if your interested in reading it, it will really open a person's eyes to the ills of public school and it's relation to motherhood and the general public/social order of things.
I could argue homeschool and public school both ways if I wanted, but I'll take homeschool anyday. I have done it both ways. I believe in homeschooling and love it, but that doesn't mean it works for everyone, or every situation. I think the reason it hurts us, is because our children are not at the age of accountability yet, so it is our job to teach them right from wrong, and when we send them at a young tender age, they are not ready. Does this mean that parents that send their children to school aren't in touch with the spirit, no, that isn't fair to say. We can't assume that everyone should do everything the way we think they should. I know for me, that the Lord told me to homeschool my son last year or I would lose him to the world, I did, it was great- this year he begged to go back. He's 15, he's lonely, he wants peers, sure, he and I are friends, but I want friends to, you know women, is it fair to say his only socialization is with his family? so, I let him go, I tried to talk him out of it, I warned him, he's in school, he hates it, but he wants a diploma and he knows if he is home, he won't do the work. I have another son who was struggling to learn to read, it was major stress, major! I sent him in second grade, he is now the school genius, amazing reader, he loves school and says "mom never make me homeschool again, I hate it", he loves school. I have another child who wants to homeschool. She loves it... all kids our different. I believe in homeschooling to the core, and all my kids are in school this year but my three young ones, and I love/hate it. But it's what works for us for now, and next year, or perhaps halfway through the year, I will be homseschooling some of my children again. I have 7 kids, it's hard, to meet all their needs. I do my best, we do stuff together all the time, I think for the most part we are a happy family. I have had a lot of awakenings, in my journey into motherhood, I've done it for 16 years. I have learned that sometimes it's OKAY- if we don't do it all the way we think we should, or want to. I have learned that even though I want everything to be natural and hunky dorry, it's not the end of the world if it isn't. My kids will be okay in school, but if God says that kid needs to be home I better listen. I get homeschooling, oh do I get it, it's awesome. I can't wait to get back into it. But I also know there is only so much I can do. I have 7 kids, I feel like a piece of butter spread thin on a piece of toast and there isn't enough butter. I've never been so tired a day in my life as I am with a demanding new baby and a bunch of other people constantly screaming mom. And I call my mom all the time, and I feel sorry, for the judgmental daughter I was, because now I know, why, and how, and what it was like for her.
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