Maternal sand art!

We enjoyed a nice day at the beach as a family yesterday. I relaxed in the sand, soaked up the sunshine, ran my fingers through the sand, and made some beautiful maternal sand art! Here are my pictures.











6 1/2 month pregnant photo...








My special two boys against a perfect backdrop...

Cultural perspectives with caregivers

At church I get asked a lot about the baby's gender. When I say I am not finding out, I finally got the question (I was wondering how long it would take for somebody to ask me this) "So are you not having an ultrasound at all?" - and she asked almost as if she is concerned for my baby's well-being... Oh I hope I was only imagining that. I tend to be paranoid but we'll see. I was talking to 2 other moms who have 5 kids between them. They were surprised that I'm not going to get an ultrasound, and one said "So, you just opt out?" Like the idea never occured to them... she said "Well that was never a choice for me." How strange... I just marvel at the different cultures and perspectives as far as who is in charge of your birth! Am I opting out of an ultrasound? No, this is the default! I am just not opting IN! My caregiver doesn't give me weird looks or negotiate with me when I direct my own pregnancy. I don't have to worry about bringing up certain ideas, only to be told "Well that's not how we do it" or a patronizing "We'll see."  (When doctors do that, I always think, Umm hello, you are the hired help!) My caregiver knows that I am in charge and I will hire her when I need her to do something for me. Until then, thanks for the advice, and I'll keep you posted!

Big secret

Okay here is an odd post where I'm going to expose my big secret!! Please don't call me crazy (but I give you permission to think so). A couple years ago I threw out most of the chemicals in our house--not just food, but soaps, lotions, cleaners, etc. I made the switch to herbal shampoo (which still has a long list of scary ingredients) and stopped using conditioner. In the past few months I have used the shampoo less and less, saving it for when I truly needed it. This tended to be about once a week. I did notice that an oily diet would produce oils in my hair (makes sense, the scalp is skin and the skin is a detox organ) so the cleaner my diet, the longer I could go.

 

Well, after reading Sarah's blog I decided to do an experiment and try simply not using shampoo at all! Sarah did a similar experiment, didn't use anything, and her hair was greasy for several weeks until finally clearing up and being permanently soft and smooth. Well... I don't like greasy hair, so I was just going to give this a shot and see what happened. I guess I am a lucky one, because my hair has stayed pretty clean. I do spray vinegar on oily spots as I noticed them, and that would rinse it all away. My hair is still soft, and fluffy! So it's been about 3 weeks since I have washed my hair!!!!!

 

I mostly wear it in a ponytail, but occasionally curl the ends and wear it down. I still rinse and blow-dry my hair a few times a week, and maybe that blow-drying helps to keep it soft and fluffy. I don't use any hair products - I used to use gel sometimes to scrunch my hair, but I know if I do that, I'd have to wash it out. I love to run my fingers through my hair and think "This hair is truly soft. Because it is, and not because I coated it with something soft." How many people can say that? (Putting conditioner in your hair is just lubricating it)

 

I don't intend to go on like this forever....maybe I will wash my hair on occasion. First I need to try the lemon juice idea, soaking my hair in a basin to get a thorough clean. But I would like to gel my hair again, so I will make a special exception for that!

 

Sidenote....so no, if you were wondering, I don't wash my hands with soap (except sometimes away from home, if I feel the need to smell pretty). I just don't care, I am not a germophobic. We don't use cleaning products except vinegar spray. We do have Seventh Generation laundry and dishwasher soap, although I have tried vinegar in both places which works well but doesn't leave that "clean feeling" (which really is NOT clean, just soap getting left behind). Our house is still clean, just not reeking of fumes. Like I said, we are not concerned with "germs," and experience has confirmed our confidence, as we haven't had a virus or infection in this house in years. And no, I don't wear deodorant, or use lotion, or any of that unnecessary, greasy, chemical-laden, frilly stuff. When my diet is clean, I just don't smell bad. My skin doesn't dry out. If we want to do a sensual massage, we use olive oil. This is how people have stayed clean for hundreds of generations! Coating yourself with chemicals is NOT clean or healthy. Only the marketing for this huge industry has made us believe it is.

 

 

 

 

6 months along!

So I am almost in my 3rd trimester, but who knows... some sources say it starts at the 26th week, and others say 28th. Well what does it matter, anyway? That's just arbitrary...

 

So anyway I am 6 months (26 weeks) pregnant as of May 13th. Here is a little review...

• I weigh 133 lbs. (pre-pregnancy weight 115)
• Blood pressure is still low
• Thigh and arm measurements are the same as pre-pregnancy
• Fundus is measuring 24-25 cm
• Feeling good movement!
• Lots of Braxton Hicks, I think (is that when your belt gets uncomfortable? and when you just felt chubby before, you suddenly feel pregnant - like something is in the way!)
• Good energy - daily exercise (yoga, walks)
• Even emotions, although lately I've started crying a bit

I am doing some left-hand exercises (emotional work). Wow, you should try it! I was skeptical at first, and all I did was start writing on the topic "How I feel about motherhood" with my left hand. Suddenly, emotions came to the surface and I unplugged some core emotions. I think it works because it gets you thinking like a child, not like a rational adult with inhibitions and logic. See, I was crying over the gender of the baby. When I am thinking left-brained, this is not something to cry over! But then I activate my right hemisphere, and all of a sudden I discover buried feelings--that I want a girl SO BAD, and if I get another boy, it's like God is ignoring me. What's weird is I can't even explain it now, because I am back to being logical. But in the moment I was really upset, and afraid that I'd have a boy and hate my baby, and be disappointed. I just can't explain it, but for some reason I really, really want a daughter, and I'm scared that I will have all boys... Enough about my issues, just try the exercise! :-)

 

I watched Birth as We Know it for the third time, taking notes this time. There are some things I am really going to keep in mind, especially the importance of psychological preparation to prevent physical complications (if you do the work during pregnancy, you can just surrender and let labor flow...something like that, but she is way more eloquent than me!) - and also the importance of posture, taking care of yourself, and just surrendering during labor.

Labor timing variables

When I think about labor timing I get really nervous. I guess I don't like surprises and especially when there are so many factors that I'd like to be lined up well, I just don't like having everything up in the air - mainly as far as WHEN this will happen. These things make me nervous:

• Keeping it a secret (don't want people to know I'm in labor)
• If my son will be in the way - and we don't have many babysitter options - and he's never slept away from us
• Whether or not my mom will be in town yet
• Timing so my husband doesn't have to leave work

So you can see, I have taken something simple and complicated it, just by over-thinking and getting myself worked up! (Yes, this is what I do, this is what I was talking about as far as my mental problems!!)

 

1. Secret/husband leaving work -- I really would rather my in-laws didn't know I was in labor. I think they'd drop by to check things out (happened last time) and it would be harder to have alone time following the birth before we're ready to announce it. Since my husband works with his Dad, the only way to keep it under wraps is not to call my husband home during work. This means I could labor during the day but would like active labor/birth to be after 3 pm.

 

2. Mom in town -- If she is in town, I don't have to worry about #3. But if not...

 

3. What to do with toddler --

         (a) Daytime - go to friends house (so far he only has 1 option here, unless we call in-laws)

         (b) Night - this is the part that really worries me, but when I think about it, it's very unlikely...because IF labor occurs at night, most likely he'll sleep through it. But IF he were to wake up, and IF we couldn't easily comfort him to sleep, we can try letting him watch (which is fine, as long as he doesn't need attention) and IF that doesn't work, THEN we'd have to call in-laws to have him go to their house.

 

So now I need to think about the best possible scenario, what I wish for, and put it in the cosmos to be manifested!! I do think this is possible--it worked pretty well last time, as much as I imagined it--so we can give it a go. Why not give God a chance? So an afternoon labor would be best, or nighttime after son goes to bed. A weekend would be nice so nobody knows. I don't expect to need more than 4-5 hours of privacy. Of course, if I go to the hospital, then people will know and my son will have to stay at someone else's house.... but at that point, I think I'd have bigger things to worry about!

 

 

 

Business of Being Born

What a wonderful documentary!! Everything is so well put, so simple, so convincing! I wish every pregnant mother could see this. It makes me so grateful to have the knowledge and opportunity I do. I feel so thrilled to have a normal birth - and then I realize, why am I thrilled? This is just normal to most humans! Well then maybe I am glad to be an American - it makes natural birth all the more wonderful and thrilling!

 

Watch the film free here.

Buried feelings

As I read an article by Rozalind Graham this morning (from Living Nutrition magazine) I was reminded of the real reason I wanted to eat raw--not for physical health, but for emotional! I love how she puts things, and it just refreshed my memory of so many great things I've read previously but have forgotten.

 

"When our digestive demands are high, our ability to process intense emotions is low, and vice versa." Why is toxic food so addicting? And why do we become so much more emotional when we go raw? Because this toxic food has been suppressing our emotions - a wonderful tool, so we can escape them - but then when we lighten our digestive load (by dieting, eating raw foods, or skipping a meal) we don't have a drug for our emotions anymore, and they come to the surface. We have to face the things we've been feeling. This is a wonderful opportunity because feelings buried alive never die (as the book title says) and will only cause physical illness.  As we cleanse our bodies, we are thus cleansing our spirits as well, working through old baggage and becoming stronger individuals, further along life's spiritual path.

 

For this reason, the raw food diet can be very hard. "Raw emotions" is a term you will read in some raw food literature. Many people fail on a raw food diet (especially if low-fat) because they weren't ready to face certain buried emotions. There is nothing wrong with that - some of us just aren't ready. For this reason though, Rozalind says you must first learn to deal with your emotions, and then improve your diet gradually.

 

In my experience, I improved my diet bit by bit, as I gradually worked through my emotions. I did this instinctively, not because I had read anything about it. As my emotional palate became cleaner, I was then able to eliminate more toxic foods and improve my physical health further. Even still, when I eat something I usually don't (i.e. restaurant food) and then go back to 80/10/10 the next day, it will surely be an emotional day for me. Since I have recognized this as detox, I then use my detox tools (hot bath, drinking lots of water, resting, etc.) to work through it and pass it quicker.

 

Anyhow, I was inspired by reading this article and wrote down some thoughts: (1) Even when I feel physically fine, it's important to keep a clean body in order to have balanced emotions, and (2) When I struggle or crave junk food, what emotion is behind this? How can I help to process and work through this emotion instead of using food to repress it? That's something I will have to ponder more on. I still have a lot of growth to do. One thing I'm hoping to heal is my impulsiveness--which is why I indulge in food for "fun" and also behind some other habits like nail biting and losing my temper. I really hope to find the buried feelings behind this so that I can become a new person.

Pat on the back

For about a month and a half now I have eaten fruit til noon every day. Hooray for my achievement! I say this because it's easy for me to get down, thinking about all the times I have changed my mind about my diet, all the non-approved foods I have eaten, etc... But let's focus on the positive. I can make some honest generalizations that show the good, permanent changes I have made and stuck to.

• Eating fruit til noon every day
• Eating vegetables every day
• Thus, eating most of my calories raw
• Eating low-fat most days

In addition, although I have struggled with this, I have done fairly well at preventing bloating, not eating late at night, and avoiding undue weight gain.

 

How funny that I focus on my downfalls so easily when there is plenty to be thrilled about!

 

A woman at church was telling me that it's unfair that I look so cute, being pregnant: Pregnant women are not allowed to look cute. I just smiled and played along, but my response is, "If anybody deserves to look cute while pregnant, I do! Do you have any idea how much effort and dilligence I have put into this goal?" Because yes, I agree, it is uncommon, and it takes hard work! I know it! I have endured endless temptation and social pressure, and I have maintained excellent personal habits to deal with this. I remind myself every single day to do some physical exercise. This "looking cute" (or, a healthy pregnancy) is a huge goal to me, so much so that a day does not go by that I do not review my progress.

 

So I am not ashamed to say, hooray for me! The mere fact that I am nearly 6 months pregnant and have no discomfort whatsoever. I have maintained stable emotional health, addressing concerns as they arise, and continually praying before God on all my concerns, temptations, and struggles.

 

But of course it's not over yet. I have 3 1/2 more months, and honestly, restaurant food is something that lures me EVERY DAY lately. I make compromises and tell myself I will order vegan, veggie food at a Mexican place! These are daydreams I have EVERY DAY!! I need to keep reading positive materials to help myself. I need to keep praying sincerely, taking time to ponder, every day. I need to spend more time outdoors to nourish my spirit. But whatever my choices on what to eat for dinner, I am dedicated and will stick to eating fruit til noon! That alone is a great achievement--the mere fact that I am consistent with it, day in and day out. This will ensure me a clean colon and more energy as I avoid undue digestive stress, and plenty of fuel for energy!

Purple, Blue, Wheat

Alright for the 2nd time I have fallen for an unintended trick, leaving me feeling stupid and naive to the socially obvious. What is wheat - and what is the alternative? Apparently I am out of the loop.

 

So the first time, I was at a lunch where a woman is talking about what she cooks for her family. She says "No one besides me will eat wheat pasta, so I make both kinds." At first I was really intrigued, thinking that the other family members prefer other grains and perhaps they are gluten intolerant or something? Seriously, I was getting excited at the possibility of another crunchy mom in my midst. And then I realized, Oh. "Wheat" is a color.

 

The the other day I was at a emergency prepardness meeting, discussion food storage. A woman was talking about grinding wheat and making bread. She said, "You'll want to get your family used to eating this before emergency hits so that you don't have digestive troubles. So get your family eating some wheat now." This time you can see it would be easier to fall for this mean trick, because she didn't even say wheat bread. She said "eat some wheat." I was a bit stupefied and thought, "Who doesn't eat wheat?????" Oh, silly me. "White" is the new grain. People don't eat wheat. They eat white.

 

You might think I am exaggerating or playing stupid. Honestly, I have never heard this term before. Growing up, we didn't have "wheat" bread and "white" bread. Duh, all bread is wheat bread. We had "whole wheat bread" and then there was something my brother called "balloon bread" or "air bread," which I simply referred to as "normal bread." In our house now, we have "wheat pasta" and then we have "rice pasta." It never occured to me to mention the color, or that perhaps "wheat" is a color.

Thoughts on mental illness

In the past, my son has shown certain behaviors that we joked were OCD (stubbornness, controlling, obsessive) but we just said it was normal toddler behavior, especially because it tends to come and go in phases. Then today a bigger issue happened that wasn't so subtle, and which clearly demonstrates criteria for OCD.

Driving into our neighborhood, there is a fork and you could go either way. We have always gone left but recently we went right just for fun. Since then, my son likes to go right and will want me to turn around if I go left. (That would be one of the subtle signs) Well today it got really bad because somebody else was driving us and we didn't turn the car around. He was very, very upset--to the point of hysterics--screaming, "No! Go the other way!" And it made no difference to him once we were home! He wanted to drive back to the fork so that we could go the other way. Even inside the house, it was difficult to calm him down, as he insisted on walking back to the fork (we didn't have the car today) so that we could "go the other way"!!

We are not the only ones that have joked about our kid having OCD because they like to do things a certain way. That is hardly anything to complain about. What makes OCD what it is is not just obsessions but compulsions. When these situations occur, the person is simply not satisfied and cannot get their brain to move past it until you have gone back and righted the wrong. (I read a story of a man who had to do a ritual at a bridge he passed every day, and if he didn't do it, the thought would linger in his head and drive him crazy until he drove the 50 miles back to the bridge to do the ritual.)

What I did was stay calm and talk to my son. I asked him to calm down so we could talk about it (that didn't work because reason is worth nothing in times like this). I validated his feelings and calmly replied, "Yes, you wanted to go the other way." I didn't make a big deal over it - I half ignored him and just kept going on with what we needed to do, getting ready for naptime, etc. We said a prayer and I asked for comfort for him, and for me to know how I could comfort him. The spirit told me that he just needed to be upset, to "get it all out" so I could do nothing but offer love, hugs, and stay calm. And that seemed to work really well.

Anyway I tell you this not to diagnose my son (no, we are not seeking a label) but to discuss the following concept: mental illness and detoxification. Through research I have learned that most all neurological disorders have roots, or are aggravated by, toxins. This is why you hear about vaccines causing autism, dairy products causing various neuroses, dyes causing mental problems, etc. With my son being like this every now and then, I can clearly see that he is more sensitive after eating more toxic foods. If he eats too much wheat, he usually gets very emotional. It just so happens that today he is detoxing from the brownie he ate yesterday. I suspect the additives although I am not sure. We don't have much experience with foods like that because he eats them so rarely.

Mental illness runs in my family. While those who were vaccinated could qualify for a diagnosis, those who were raised naturally only have subtle symptoms, if anything (the younger ones are also vegan). My youngest brother is a little quirky, and I am convinced if he had been vaccinated, he'd have full scale autism (my oldest brother does have Aspergers). Likewise, my son is certainly quirky enough that if it weren't for my crunchy ways and strict diet, I am positive that he'd be much more of a problem. I myself struggled with depression, paranoia, and hypermentality until I cleaned up my diet. I am so grateful that we do what we do...

Dolphin birth

I found this video of a dolphin birth on you tube. I really like it because it shows some birth fluids--most of the time, you see whales just slide out and you're left wondering where the blood is, where the umbilical cord and placenta are. I was wondering this, so I did a web search and apparently the cord snaps on its own during birth, and then the placenta is delivered a while later.

 

How cool! Even watching animal births makes me tear up... !! How beautiful!

Sleeping with parents

I really appreciated and enjoyed Nadja's comments on my "Parenting...oh boy" post. She was also wondering if AP is worth the effort, even when children seem ungrateful, and her husband told her "You are not doing that to get anything out of it, it will not make it easier for you, it may not even make a huge difference right now. but in the long run, she will be so much happier and healthier and overall better in this world."

 

It probably all depends on personality, but personally, I would have LOVED to have been "babied" more, just to have those special memories and to know I was a priority in my parents' lives. Can you imagine how invaluable it is to be a teenager or a grown-up and have such special memories of being physically close to your parents?

 

One example is sleeping in bed with parents. Why is it that this need seems to be universal - however you try to "sleep train" your children, they always seem to climb into bed with you by morningtime. Hence the common notion about children in parents beds. This seems to be the one big truth in AP that most every child exhibits. And why is that? Well, think about it. Sleeping alone in a room all by yourself is certainly frightening. Children need bodily contact and comfort to guide them through their sleep cycles. And it's just so sweet and delicious to wake up next to somebody you love! As married adults, we enjoy sleeping with our spouses. Why would we deny that same thing to our children?

 

When I was younger my Dad would lay in bed with me until I was asleep, then sneak out. I always thought he slept with me - until one day, I wasn't quite asleep when he got up and left. All I could do was cry! My dad left me!  I was a child who needed affection and closeness, and didn't receive it. I would have LOVED to lay in bed with my parents, but I never got the chance. I don't have a single memory of sharing that sweet experience. But all through my growing up years, and even still, my parents' bed is just a special place to me. I don't know why - how do you explain that?? I still love to sleep in my parents' bed (times when they are out of town, etc.) and it brings me such comfort. Maybe my subconscious remembers nursing in that bed? I don't know, but I certainly cannot deny how special a parents' bed is.

 

I think it's true that children won't really appreciate our efforts until much later. Maybe they'll be closer to us as teenagers if we've respected them and their emotions all their lives (that is my hope) -- but that is more parenting style, not lifestyle choices, I think. But no matter how our children react in a behavior sense, they will certain treasure the special memories of being special to somebody and receiving that physical attention.